Who are you?

I was happy to see that someone - nn91 - actually read this blog of mine. They had no question, but that's OK.
You want to change your life. Notice I did not put that in the form of a question. The odds are with me. Most people want to change their lives.
First you have to look at your life. Find out who you are and what you do. Try to look at yourself objectively. Look at your emotional responses as if you were someone else. You have watched enough TV to know what to look for in people. Look for it in yourself. Are you pitiful, whiney or sad? Are you loud and obnoxious? Does your spouse or boy/girl friend manipulate you? Do you manipulate them? Read some books figure it out. Read Games People Play by Eric Berne.
So basically you can not change yourself effectively if you do not know who you are.
Make lists. Keep records. Plot your behavior on a chart. Have someone take photos or videos of you when you are in a bad mood. You will be surprised what you look like and sound like. Do whatever it takes. Learn who you are.

What do you want? After you find out who you are, do some soul searching and try to figure out where you went wrong. You had plans and ideas of what you wanted to do and be years ago. What happened to them? Did you abort your plans or did someone else? It is usually a lot easier to blame someone else. Go ahead and do so. It does not matter. The truth is what it is.
(My children will get into an argument over something that is. An example would be how tall something is. They go on for a long time and really get mad. Now what is the point? The item is as tall as it is no matter what either of them believes. The Media does the same thing with their polls of the public and what it thinks is going to happen: “Do you think Michael Jackson is guilty?” What a stupid question. He will either be found guilty or not and no one person’s opinion or millions of opinions will change it; unless, of course, you are on the jury.)
It really does not matter who is to blame, you are where you are. You are who you are. You are the starting point. You are the biggest problem. You are lazy. You are afraid. You doubt yourself. You are stuck in a rut. You find it easier to stay just the way you are. Most people do. They continue along in life blaming everyone else and complaining at everything. Whine. Whine. Whine. Is that you? Blame thrower. Whiner. Lazy. Fat. Stupid. Ugly. Black. White. Latin. Asian. My answer to all those excuses. ONE EXCUSE IS AS GOOD AS ANOTHER!
(Just be glad you did not grow up as one of my children; you would have heard that often.)
So do you see yourself for what you are? Now I have a question. Do you want to change? Do you really want to change? I think that is what they require at the AA meetings. You know. “My name is _____ and I am an alcoholic.” Well the same thing goes here. You name is _____ and you are ____. If you are a human being, you have value. If you are a human being, you have potential. If you are a human being, you can grow and change into anything you want.
Next is finding a firm goal that you will be able to live for. The reason I say something you can live for is because if you have a goal you are not committed to you will fail. How about the goals your parents picked for you? Or the goals your spouse picked for you? Are you following the goals your high school teachers planned for you? If you are following someone else’s goals then you are probably less committed than if they were your own.

Here is an idea. Write your obituary with the assumption you die at eighty years old. What would you like to have written about you. Would you like this to be your epitaph? So-an-so was a fireman for 35 years and received five commendations for saving lives. He married his high school sweetheart and had three beautiful happy successful children. Write about your life as you want it to be. Write it and rewrite until you find an end to your life that you are proud of. A life that when you read it you say, “Wow I wish I had been him!”

Now you are ready to set out on a new life. Take the first step. What is the first step? Do you need to get a new job, leave you parents, go to school or punch someone? There is something you need to do to make a specific change in direction in you life. Find it and do it. I am sorry that this is so general, but I have no specific questions to answer.

You can’t do it can you? Then I have a question for you. Do you want to continue to be the whiner, or whatever you are, that you are? If the answer is yes, then go ahead. Now write your obit. “Here lies the whiner that never did anything he/she wanted; unhappy and unfulfilled.”
I know I sound harsh and unyielding, but any other answer will allow you off the hook. Now gather your courage and go have a good, productive and happy life.